Missed Conversations

My dad passed away 6 years ago today. It's a day I don't like to think about, but as it gets closer I inevitably get emotional. 

When he died I was 30 years old, my oldest son had just turned 4 and my twins were 11 months old. I recently attended an event where Brene Brown was speaking and it reminded of a conversation I had with him not long before he passed. See he struggled with depression, grief, alcoholism (which he did quit cold turkey) and likely anxiety. Every once in a while I would talk to him about his struggles but in those years I really didn't grasp all that he was going through. I remember once when I came home for a weekend visit he said, "Have you ever heard of Brene Brown? I heard her say something about vulnerability and I really liked it. She seems like a smart lady." I grinned and said I had heard of her and would buy him her new book, but I didn't get the chance to give it to him.

As I've grown and as mental health is becoming less taboo I've learned so much. I wish that I could have conversations with my dad about these topics. I think for older generations they struggle in silence, and while it's not my job to heal my dad's pain I would have loved to have been more vulnerable with him and vice versa. He was always a strong father figure and my mother was the glue keeping us all together. I did appreciate that my dad wore his heart on his sleeve. He was tough as nails but would shed a tear in a heartbeat. 

Conversations that I would have had with him in person I now have in my head. I guess what I'm trying to say with this blog is have the hard conversations now. Carve out the time to spend 1x1 quality time with those you love because you never know when your last conversation might be. 

Photos: Amy Wilborn | Location: Imhoff House 

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