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Marriage Q&A

Every once in a while Alex makes an appearance online and I get lots of questions about our relationship. I thought it would be fun to answer some of your questions!



HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN MARRIED?
8 years going on nine years May 22! We started dating our senior year of college and dated for about 7 months before we were engaged. I planned our wedding in 4 months, and we married in Abilene, TX two weeks after we graduated. We lived in Abilene for the first year of our marriage as I was in school for my MBA, and then we moved to Austin in 2011. 

HOW DO YOU NOT RESENT ALEX FOR NAPPING/SLEEPING IN?
I'm a morning person, so waking up early isn't as hard for me as it is for Alex. However, a 6am wake up on call on Saturday morning is never fun. My kids have always been terrible sleepers. Alex is a deep sleeper and NEVER hears the kids crying...or maybe he just pretends he doesn't. Either way it works and I'm usually the one tending to them. When our kids were young I would hit my breaking point, and ask him to get up with the kids (likely with a smack over the face with a pillow). On the weekends there is really no way I'm napping. My mind is usually racing with all the things I need to do, which most likely involves cleaning and blogging so there is no point trying to sleep. 

I also don't feel guilty when I go out for a girls night or spend money on myself. Don't get me wrong, I'm not dropping hundreds of dollars on handbags and shoes, but every once in a while I will treat myself to a massage or new outfit and I feel like I've earned it ; ).


HOW MANY DATE NIGHTS DO YOU TAKE?
We don't have a specific date night schedule, but we feel the pull to go out together every 4-6 weeks. "Pull" as in we miss talking with each other, feel a bit disconnected, and just might lose our minds! It's usually based around an event I'm invited to, and then we'll reach out to our babysitters and see if one is free. Our neighbors recommended two babysitters to us about a year ago and they've been great with our kids so we feel VERY lucky. When my mom or in-laws come in to town, we try to go out as well. When it comes to the date night activity, we usually try a new restaurant and then I like to do something fun like bowling, dancing or rollerskating. Alex would rather bar hop, but I'm not a fan of spending my money on drinks.

HOW INVOLVED IS ALEX WITH YOUR BLOG?
He's not very involved other than taking pics every once in a while. Last year he created quite a few videos for my YouTube channel, but after way too much fighting over them I decided to learn how to edit them myself. He humors me when I want to take videos or when I have ideas I want to bounce off of him. He's always been supportive, but in the past two years he's really seen my blog start to earn money so he's much more enthusiastic about it (or when he gets a free dinner ; ) ). He shares in my excitement, but I'm not sure he fully understands the stress and extra work that comes with blogging. There's a lot of behind the scenes work he's not a part of like research, pitching, negotiating, writing, social media planning, and blog drafts I must submit. One collaboration usually takes an average of 3 months to work on from beginning to end.


WHAT DO YOU FIGHT ABOUT MOST?
Money, kids and intimacy mostly. Here's the thing, we are both LOUD people. Sometimes we are simply "talking" and another person might think we're fighting because we are blunt and loud. We don't hold things in, which can be good but annoying (especially for Alex). I personally don't hold anything in. If I have something to say I say it. I don't sit on it. I talk about it immediately. I have learned when arguments get heated it's best to walk away for a bit to calm down. We usually both  come back apologizing and can discuss the topic more clearly when we're not fuming. I've also learned that unmet expectations are at the root of most arguments and hurt feelings. It's important to set expectations. After many tear filled Valentine's Days I decided to simply tell Alex I wanted flowers and some sort of chocolate every year. What type of flowers and dessert is up to him, but now the expectation is set and the day won't end in disappointment. Alex isn't the romantic type, so being surprised is out of the cards for me. Although this year he did surprise me with a Madewell purse when I got a new job and it was the sweetest gesture!

DO YOU WANT MORE KIDS?
That's a big fat NO. When my twins hit two years old the thought crossed my mind for about 2.5 seconds, but then I remembered Alex had a vasectomy. Honestly having twins has really taken a toll on us, we love them to death but dang it's hard. We dream of the day when we can go on vacation as a family and we don't have to cart pack n' plays with us or worry about nap times and changing diapers.   We are also REALLY looking forward to the day we don't have a daycare bill.

Photos by Jessica Rockowitz 

We will be celebrating our nine year anniversary this May, but I'm really looking forward to year ten as we're planning a trip to Europe. As much as I'd love to visit a new country we have been missing Austria and Germany so much since we studied abroad there 12 years ago. I envision us renewing our  vows just the two of us in the Austrian Alps.

I'm extremely grateful for our marriage. We align when it comes to our values, financial goals, and beliefs. Our marriage isn't perfect, but we are best friends, make each other laugh, and are a great team. 

3 comments:

Britt said...

This was fun and comforting to read because you don’t seem to put on a facade. Thanks for being real and genuine. My twins are 2.5, and I love them SO much, and also I am EXHASUTED. Twins did us in as far as the desire for more kids, haha. You are not alone!

Britt said...

I’m so tired I can’t even spell ‘exhausted’ correctly. Ha!

Erin said...

I loved reading that. I love you two. Y’all are my favorite, always have been. Love you both. ❤️