It's easy to become disconnected with your spouse....kids, work, loss, money, grief, stress of life in general. My marriage is no where near perfect, but I want to share some insights I've made about dating and connecting with my husband over the last 9 years.
1. DATE NIGHT
You need 1x1 time together, plain and simple. I realize for many, a night at home once the kids are in bed is the perfect date night. To be honest I tend to pull out my laptop and work anytime I'm home, so a date outside of the home works best for Alex and I. Babysitters aren't cheap, but set a goal to save and hire a babysitter once a month. If you have family in town that can easily watch your kiddos....what the hell are you waiting for?! Take advantage of that and get out of the house! Alex and I enjoy solo dates, but love going on group dates with friends if we can coordinate ahead of time.
2. CAR RIDES
This may sound weird but the moments when we're driving in the car and the kids are in the back quiet for longer than 5 minutes is a wonderful time to hold hands and talk. Also, sometimes I'll call Alex on his commute home because I know once he gets home it's going to be N-U-T-S! Utilize the time you have when you are together and the kids are quiet!
3. INTIMACY
This isn't just regarding sex. I'm also talking about kissing, hugging, hand holding. Touch in general is extremely important. A hug that's longer than 2 seconds before you both leave for the day, or a real kiss before bed (longer than a peck on the mouth). If you are having trouble being intimate due to your mentality, have a glass of wine or take a shot (or two) to loosen up a bit. Remember how you felt when you were dating!
4. PLAN A VACATION
Alex and love to take short kid-less vacations together. Sometimes we might only have 24 hours, and our longest has been 4 nights in California when Turner was a baby. Two years ago we went to Mexico for a long weekend and it was amazing! There is nothing like waking up with no agenda. Simply relaxing on the beach sipping on fruity cocktails and not hearing a child's scream or cry ; ). The months leading up to the vacation are just as much fun because we get to dream and plan together. When life is chaotic and stressful, we look back our vacations and reminisce.
5. FIND A COMMON HOBBY
I've always heard it's important to enjoy a hobby together, especially as you age. I will never enjoy wood-working and Alex will never enjoy shopping, but we do enjoy trying new restaurants together and golfing when we get the chance. My grandparents were avid golfers, and I loved hearing their stories about traveling together and golfing. I would love to be able to golf with Alex as we age and retire. Maybe for you and your spouse it's playing card games, cooking, scuba diving, learning a new language together or some type of physical activity such as yoga or running.
6. SEND A TEXT
I'm going to be honest and say Alex and I rarely talk on the phone or text, but in those rare occasions when I get a sweet text I love it! After a tough weekend with the kids or when Alex has done something I really appreciate and I don't have the chance to tell him in person, I'll send him a text. Words of affirmation is one of most men's love language. I'm not great at giving them, so I have to make a conscious effort to thank Alex and let him know I'm proud of him.
7. STAY ADVENTUROUS
You're NEVER too old to party! You're never too old to have fun! Aging is a mindset...mostly ; ). Try new things and take risks together. Trying something new that takes you both outside of your comfort zone will only bring you closer together. Skydiving is on my bucket list to do with Alex, but I haven't convinced him to join me yet. A few ideas for adventures you can take together whether it's on vacation or a date night.
- Rollerskating
- Work out class (spin, yoga, etc)
- Comedy Show
- Sing Karaoke
- Rock Climbing
- Bowling
- Kayaking/Stand Up Paddle Board
- Visit a new park
- Arcade / Laser Tag
- Cooking Class
- Attend a College Sports Game
- Get a pedicure
- Zip lining
- Take a bible study or financial class together
- Race Go Karts
- Take a food tour in your city
- Attend a local festival (I would love to go to Austin City Limits with Alex one day)!
- Volunteer
Photos by Jessica Rockowitz
I pray you have a thriving marriage. For better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health.
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