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A Letter of Encouragement to the Mothers

As a mother who has felt joy, sadness, guilt and anger all in the same hour this post is for anyone who needs encouragement in the thick of parenting. 


This post has been sitting still for quite a long time because I don't love sharing about these emotions. I'm going to be very transparent and raw so be gentle with me. 
 
Having a child with ADHD has changed my perspective on everything. I had always heard "ADHD" and thought it was simply a child who couldn't sit still and had trouble focusing. Boy was I wrong. I have learned so much over the past few years about ADHD and different parenting skills I need to set my child up for success. My child brings me absolute joy and absolute dread in the same day. The guilt that comes along with those feelings is hard and I feel very isolated. I don't want to share the problematic stories of my child getting in trouble with school or camp because I fear my child will be judged and labeled a "bad" kid. I know I'm not a bad parent. I probably would question my parenting had I not had other children who do not have the same problems. 

My anxiety around holidays, school, birthday parties, and camps has increased ten fold the past few years. My child has really been going through it therefore each new day is a challenge. I never know the mood they will wake up in or the mood they'll be in when I pick them up from school. It's a 50/50 chance of joy or pure anger. I have learned survival tactics that make these times easier for everyone. I know what lighting pisses my kid off, I know what foods not to offer, and I know NEVER to say "Hurry up!". My child feeling rushed will immediately derail any positive moment or progression. Let's just say my husband hasn't learned these tactics as well as I have, and causes struggles and arguments in our marriage. The strain parenting has put on my marriage has been really hard, and I know we are in the thick of it and likely will be until they are out of college. I often think about the future of my child, and worry what life after high school will look like for them. One of the hardest pills to swallow is that it feels like parenting is getting harder not easier as my kids grow up. I assumed as they got out of their baby and toddler stage parenting would be easier but that's far from reality. 


I sound a bit depressing and know this post is supposed to be a letter of encouragement, but being honest feels right. I don't want to sugar coat motherhood. While our ADHD journey has been extremely difficult I have a new sense of protection and patience (still working on this one). I've learned how to slow down, how to advocate, how to sit with them and truly hear and see them for who they are. To see their beautiful soul and know God made them special and is doing good work in all of us. I am being pushed to step outside my selfish body. To control my anger when I've been pushed to my limit. To die to myself and live for someone else. God is definitely shaping me and teaching me through my entire parenting journey. When I feel at a loss I do find comfort in his word and promises. 

God teaches me through his grace to do the same for my child. It's kind of amazing how we can forget the bad experiences and mostly remember the good. For example, we will take a long vacation and inevitably something will go wrong. There will be a major meltdown or issue and sometimes it might persist for hours or days. I will have negative thoughts and tell myself I'm NEVER going on vacation with my child again. Then a few months go by and here I am googling family vacation destinations for our next holiday. What the heck is wrong with me?! I feel like that's God erasing the bad from my mind and allowing me to only remember the good (kind of like labor)! 


In all of this I can say I truly SEE my child. Children with ADHD have a unique set of abilities, and I can see daily the amazing things my child is good at. How they connect, problem solve, and see the world in a different and beautiful way. They are hilarious and quirky, and their personality is just my favorite. 

My dad died very suddenly when my twins were 11 months old, and because of this I feel like I have a very real sense of death and how short life really is. While I do feel guilt in not enjoying "every moment" I do feel a deep sense of gratitude for life. Gratitude that God gave me three children I have the honor of raising even with their challenges. He gave me this great task called motherhood and is teaching me to be more like him in the process. I love the quote "Everything you thought was drowning you was only teaching you how to swim."


Thank you for letting me ramble. Thank you for being here, and know YOU ARE NOT ALONE. While you may not have a child with the same challenges, I pray you find encouragement in knowing that ALL of our parenting journeys are difficult. Every mother faces a different set of challenges, and I pray you find someone you can confide in whether that's a friend, spouse or your own mom/dad. 

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