Jesse Coulter

Prior to having Walt and Whitney, I made the decision that I was going to try my hardest to breastfeed. I struggled breastfeeding Turner and only lasted 5 weeks. You can read about it here.

Photo: Kayla Snell

A week before the twins were born, I had a lactation consultant come to my home for a consultation, and after she left I felt semi-confident. The twins were born vaginally at 36 weeks, and about 1-2 hours after they were born, I was able to breastfeed each one individually. Because they were premature their latch wasn't great, but thankfully I had a great lactation consultant in the hospital that helped me work on it.

I spent 2 days in the hospital and headed home.  My milk came in great because I started taking my placenta pills. I had two placentas thanks to the babes, and I loved using Hill Country Placentas to encapsulate them. Lisa, the owner, is seriously the sweetest and personally delivered them to me the day I came home.  I would highly recommend placenta encapsulation if you are pregnant. Thankfully, their latch was much better than Turner's so it wasn't as painful, BUT it took forever. I fed each one of them individually, and it would usually take an hour to an hour and a half to feed both.  I spent hours and hours in my nursery glider by myself. I constantly worried if they were getting enough to eat.


After a week of breastfeeding, I went for a long walk and sobbed. I was physically and mentally tired. I prayed and talked to God and I came to the conclusion that I wanted to stop breastfeeding, and instead I would try to pump exclusively. Thankfully I had rented the hospital pump the week prior, so I began to pump every 3 hours. I bought an awesome pumping bra that allowed me to have my hands free. Bottle feeding twins + a needy toddler + pumping = NO LIFE. Once again I went for another walk in my neighborhood and I decided I wanted to stop pumping. The only reason I lasted a week, was the thought of how buying formula for twins would kill our budget. I broke the news to Alex that I wanted to quit pumping. He replied that prior to having the babies, I told him I would want to give up, but to not let me. I replied....screw that, I'm done...and ultimately this is my decision. He supported my decision, because a crazy and unstable wife is not what he wanted.

I then began the process of weaning myself from pumping...OUCHHHH!!! It took about a week to wean myself, but still to this day I can express milk in the shower. It's crazy how a woman's body works.


I don't feel guilty of choosing to formula feed...not one bit. I am physically and mentally in such a better place. I don't dread the nights as much, and I have been able to get out of the house for more than a few hours and not worry about feedings. Thankfully we have gotten a ton of free formula samples from our pediatrician, so we haven't had to spend too much money on formula. We did have to buy our first box because the babies have been super gassy and needed a gentle formula. We are estimating our formula expense to be around $250 per month.

If you are a mom struggling with mommy guilt because you've given up breastfeeding....Please don't! You are doing the best you can do, and ultimately are making the best decision for your family. Your physical and mental state is important. Stand strong in your decision, and know that your baby will be just fine on formula.

I always wondered what type of Mom I would be, and I still wonder as Turner grows more and more every day.

We all know there are hundreds of parenting styles, and all of us moms have different ways of raising our children.  I find it helpful to hear stories from other moms about what they've tried and how it did/did not work for them. I haven't had to face tough parenting issues yet, such as how I will discipline Turner in public, but I know that up to this point I've been pretty laid back.  I hear you're the most uptight with the first, so I'm kind of afraid for my 3rd (there will only be two if Alex has a say).  Don't get me wrong, I still freak out when Turner gets close to stairs or tries to eat a whole grape, but I feel I'm pretty easy going for the most part.  I thought I would start a short series on my parenting style including; diapers, breastfeeding, school, work, food, sleep, etc.

First up...Breastfeeding.

When I hear the word I cringe.  My experience with breastfeeding was extremely difficult.  When Turner was born I was adamant I would breast feed as long as I could, or at least until I went back to work. For the first week, I breast fed laying on my side due to my healing process.   Just like many other moms experience, the first two weeks were very painful.  Everyone kept telling me the pain would lessen over time, but it didn't.  I met with a lactation consultation two days after Turner was born to make sure he was latching right, which he did a good job of.  But something was just not right.  I got mastitis not once but twice in one month, and if you know what it feels like you know it was horrible.  Fever, chills, lack of energy (which you're already low on to begin with), rash, itchy skin, and above all else you're supposed to continue nursing to work through the infection.  I worked through it gritting my teeth and quietly whispering a few swear words as Turner nursed.

Let's throw in to the mix a very gassy and fussy baby.  I mean crying all the time for no reason.  I blamed my diet, so I tried to lay off the dairy.  That lasted a few days.  It was too stressful to track every little thing I ate, and Turner seemed to be acting the same either way.

Finally, after 5 weeks of trying my best, Alex noticed my pain and struggle and offered to buy some formula.  I think he was tired of Turner's gas issues as well, and would try anything to get him to stop crying.  We supplemented formula with pumped breast milk. After the second or third day of pumping every few hours, I decided to quit.  I was done with the stress and the struggle.  Turner seemed to be doing a bit better on formula, and I finally felt free from pain.  I was very apprehensive to stop, and I immediately missed the connection Turner and I had in those quiet moments we spent together.  But, in the end I feel I made the best decision for Turner and I.



I plan on breastfeeding as long as possible with my future babies, and I hope my body cuts me a little slack the next time around.

Moms out there...how was your experience with breastfeeding? Any tips?!