Jesse Coulter

Oh goodness, it got me all stirred up again. Most of the comments made me feel guilty and selfish for working, but then I had working moms and even stay at home moms stick up for me.

Photo: Laura Morsman Photography

I've discovered my new favorite thing, professional blowouts! Before becoming a mom I wouldn't mind spending 2 hours doing my hair before an event or party (washing, drying, straightening and then curling). These days I do NOT have time to spare, so having my hair done at Vent Blotique in less than an hour and it look AMAZING is totally worth the price in my book! I enjoy getting my hair done on Monday and not having to do it for the rest of the week.  My blowouts will last 4 days thanks to dry shampoo! Kids, work, cooking dinner and cleaning are all things on my to-do list, so not having to spend time doing my hair saves me time and sanity. PLUS I feel better about myself because my hair actually looks good which makes me feel like a million bucks.

I wanted to make sure my hair looked good for the ATX Blogger Mixer a few weeks ago, but I did not have time to do my hair with my first week back at work. So, what did I do? Had my hair done at Vent Blotique during my lunch hour! It took less time and my hair looked much better than if I tried to do it myself. I also used that time to write some emails and relax! Here I am feeling good : )

Photo: Rachel Arnhart Photography

Head over to my Instagram to enter to win a Luxury Blowout. It includes a shampoo, luxurious moisture treatment for the hair, scalp massage, steamed hot towel wrap, and your choice of any of our blowout styles. A mini Mom-Break!

Tomorrow I'm officially heading back to my full-time marketing job. I was beyond blessed to be able to stay home with Walt and Whitney for 12 weeks and be payed for that time off. It's sad that is rare in our country. I got to spend countless hours holding, feeding, rocking and playing with my babies and I'll forever be grateful for that time. I didn't sleep much, received tons of help from family and friends, went on many afternoon walks, cried a lot and took lots of weekend trips to my parents. I will miss their sweet faces, naps on my chest, newborn smell, smiles and giggles.

I'm a tad anxious about heading back to work, not so much about leaving the kiddos, but being able to perform and be on the ball. Lack of sleep is very real, so I don't want it to affect my work or business decisions (Walt still wakes up every 3-4 hours). I also know that I will have to take more time off due to sick babies (it's inevitable), Walt's laser treatments for his hemangioma, and monthly check-ups. Not to mention I will likely be getting sick more often (I was sick a ton the first year I put Turner in daycare). I think every working mom worries about the push and pull of motherhood and work and keeping a good balance.


When my maternity leave ended with Turner I was devastated about leaving him, but I'm much more ready to get back to work this time around. I'm looking forward to having a hands-free lunch everyday, socializing with other adults, and putting my marketing skills back in to action. I'll also be able to work out during my lunch break, and I'm so ready to get back in to shape. As a second time mom, I know my babies will be fine at daycare. They will be loved, and at the end of the day won't hate me for leaving them. Now, don't get me wrong I would love to spend some days of the week with my babies, but financially that is not an option for my family. I wrote about my decision to go back to work on Austin Moms Blog months ago, and it was the most controversial article I've ever written. The comments from stay at home moms were nasty, and made me realize how real and RIDICULOUS "mommy wars" are. To each their own is what I believe. We all parent different and that's OK! The post barely scratched the surface of why I was going back to work, but if I had known what a reaction it was going to cause I might have done a bit more explanation...but then again, I don't owe those judgmental women anything.


I think the hardest part in the beginning will be getting everyone ready and out the door in the mornings. Wish me luck with this new transition. I know it will feel a bit rocky at first!

Hello 2 Months! The second month with these babes was quite difficult due to gas, fussiness, and not much sleep. Thankfully I had lots of help from my family, and took many trips to my hometown on the weekend to get some extra rest. Many times during a rough day, I would tell myself...If you can just make it till Friday, you will sleep! I'm finally starting to become semi-comfortable with handling both of them on my own, most days I don't have a choice...but now I don't necessarily dread it. I don't dread the babies, but I dread the stress, 2 babies crying at the same time, anxiety and the lack of sleep.

We had our first family outing to dinner (hello pizza buffet), which was insane. Both babies were fussy and crying, so they had to be held. Turner was great, but kept standing on the bench of the restaurant. There wasn't anyone around, and I didn't have the hands or patience to discipline him, so I just went with it...choosing my battles at this point.  On the way home Turner was trying to talk to me from the very back, but I couldn't hear him over the screaming babies. At one point he yelled "STOP IT!!!" to the babies, haha. First time he's been annoyed by their crying. Turner doesn't have much interest in the babies, except a few kisses every now and then.

Between the hours of 6 and 9pm is the most stressful time. Trying to cook, play with Turner, hold babies, feed babies, give baths, put Turner to bed (such a long process), and the babies to bed takes a TON of work. Alex and I barely have time to look at each other, let alone have a conversation. We need a date night desperately.

Adorable outfits by Rainy Lain

Sleep:

• Our sleeping situation is very odd right now. Alex sleeps in our bedroom, and Whitney is in our closet in a rock n' play...might sound crazy to you, but it's dark, quiet and Alex doesn't have to hear her grunts. Walt sleeps in the nursery in a rock n' play, and I sleep in our guest bedroom. I close the door, but can wake easily to Walt crying when he's ready to eat.

• Walt sleeps 3-4 hours straight on a good night, and Whitney has a great 4-6 hour stretch.

• After thinking about it for quite a while, I've decided that I'm going to split up their cribs. I will move one crib to my guest bedroom, and leave one in the nursery. It's going to be a major change. Currently we have a queen bed in our small guest bedroom, so we'll have to sell that, and buy two twin beds. One for the nursery and one for the guest bedroom, since we want to have a place for our guests. They say to keep your babies on the same schedule, but I when one sleeps WAY better than the other, I'm not going to wake that one up. 

• Naps are a bit up in the air...they tend to take a long morning and afternoon nap. If I'm lucky, I can get them to nap at the same time, this has only happened about twice all month. 

Eating:

• Whitney is on a heavy formula for reflux/spit up, and Walt drinks a gentle formula for gas. They are drinking 4-5 oz. per feeding, which can be every 2-4 hours.
• I use Dr. Brown's bottles, and feel like my life is revolved around washing bottles.

Growth:

• Clothing - 0-3 months
• Diapers - Size 1

Likes:

• Baths if the water is just right
• Being carried in my ACK Baby Wrap

Dislikes:

• Tummy time
• Car rides/car seats...I'm in SHOCK. Turner would immediately calm down when we would drive around with him. These babies aren't having it. Stop signs and red lights are my worst enemy, seriously. 
• When the other one cries. I swear Whitney could be as calm as ever, and if Walt starts fussing or crying, she immediately joins in. This makes feeding time extremely difficult and stressful. 

Fun Facts:

• Walt:
• We took Walt to a pediatric dermatologist for his hemangioma on his nose. He was prescribed a topical and we will do a few laser treatments.
  

• .He's starting to get chunky and I'm LOVING it! Turner was always so tiny (in the 2 percentile or less category for the first 2 years), so the thought of seeing some baby rolls makes me giddy. 

• You know when this kid is pooping. Turns bright red and grunts so loud, you would never know Whitney pooped...lady like manners ; )

• Whitney: 
• We found 2 more hemangiomas, one on her butt cheek and one at the top of her head. Although these are growing at a much slower pace than the one on her arm.

• She is very strong, and holds her head up much more than Walt. She's great about looking me in the eyes, and I could look at her cute little face all day.

After Walt and Whitney were born I immediately lost almost 30 pounds, and I felt great. Fast forward a month, and now I feel bigger than when I was 9 months pregnant...I know that sounds crazy. I had a huge belly, but my stomach was tight. It feels like someone let all the air out of me, and I'm a droopy balloon. With all that being said, my clothing options are limited. WARNING women who have just had a baby, DO NOT try on your pre-pregnancy jeans! I made that mistake, but have come to terms that it's going to likely take a year to get back to my normal shape. It took my body a year with Turner. However, I have a feeling it's going to be a bit challenging finding the time to take a work out class.

Sweater: A&F. Jeans: Old Navy (Maternity). Boots: Kork-Ease. Jacket: Ross. Scarf: Forever 21

Tunic: Old Navy. Cardigan: Target. Jacket: Ross. Leggings: Motherhood Maternity. Boots: Aldo (This photo was taken prior to weaning myself from pumping...hello boobs!)

Tee: Old Navy. Jeans: Cotton On. Shoes: Birkenstocks. Sunglasses: Forever 21. Diaper Bag: TwelveLittle.

I've been wearing leggings a ton, but it's starting to warm up here in Texas so on to shorts and dresses. I've also been wearing my maternity jeans a lot, but decided to bite the bullet and buy a pair of jeans even though I plan on losing weight. I spotted THESE American Eagle boyfriend jeans online and fell in love. I immediately went in to the store and tried on a pair. It was like heaven was shining down on me...they fit like a glove and made me feel great. They are comfy, stretchy and figure flattering...and only cost me $38! You've got to try on a pair!


I've found that doing my hair and putting on jeans makes me feel a bit like myself again, even if I'm not 100% comfortable with my body. Mamas, did you experience this after you had kiddos?

Prior to having Walt and Whitney, I made the decision that I was going to try my hardest to breastfeed. I struggled breastfeeding Turner and only lasted 5 weeks. You can read about it here.

Photo: Kayla Snell

A week before the twins were born, I had a lactation consultant come to my home for a consultation, and after she left I felt semi-confident. The twins were born vaginally at 36 weeks, and about 1-2 hours after they were born, I was able to breastfeed each one individually. Because they were premature their latch wasn't great, but thankfully I had a great lactation consultant in the hospital that helped me work on it.

I spent 2 days in the hospital and headed home.  My milk came in great because I started taking my placenta pills. I had two placentas thanks to the babes, and I loved using Hill Country Placentas to encapsulate them. Lisa, the owner, is seriously the sweetest and personally delivered them to me the day I came home.  I would highly recommend placenta encapsulation if you are pregnant. Thankfully, their latch was much better than Turner's so it wasn't as painful, BUT it took forever. I fed each one of them individually, and it would usually take an hour to an hour and a half to feed both.  I spent hours and hours in my nursery glider by myself. I constantly worried if they were getting enough to eat.


After a week of breastfeeding, I went for a long walk and sobbed. I was physically and mentally tired. I prayed and talked to God and I came to the conclusion that I wanted to stop breastfeeding, and instead I would try to pump exclusively. Thankfully I had rented the hospital pump the week prior, so I began to pump every 3 hours. I bought an awesome pumping bra that allowed me to have my hands free. Bottle feeding twins + a needy toddler + pumping = NO LIFE. Once again I went for another walk in my neighborhood and I decided I wanted to stop pumping. The only reason I lasted a week, was the thought of how buying formula for twins would kill our budget. I broke the news to Alex that I wanted to quit pumping. He replied that prior to having the babies, I told him I would want to give up, but to not let me. I replied....screw that, I'm done...and ultimately this is my decision. He supported my decision, because a crazy and unstable wife is not what he wanted.

I then began the process of weaning myself from pumping...OUCHHHH!!! It took about a week to wean myself, but still to this day I can express milk in the shower. It's crazy how a woman's body works.


I don't feel guilty of choosing to formula feed...not one bit. I am physically and mentally in such a better place. I don't dread the nights as much, and I have been able to get out of the house for more than a few hours and not worry about feedings. Thankfully we have gotten a ton of free formula samples from our pediatrician, so we haven't had to spend too much money on formula. We did have to buy our first box because the babies have been super gassy and needed a gentle formula. We are estimating our formula expense to be around $250 per month.

If you are a mom struggling with mommy guilt because you've given up breastfeeding....Please don't! You are doing the best you can do, and ultimately are making the best decision for your family. Your physical and mental state is important. Stand strong in your decision, and know that your baby will be just fine on formula.

Well, if you haven't seen my social media posts....Walt & Whitney are here! I wanted to pop in and give you a little life update. I can't wait to share their birth story with you...it's crazy! As I read over my last post before I went in to labor, it's crazy to think how life has dramatically changed since. I wanted to touch on a few topics I previously wrote about.

Preparation: 

• Well, my bag was semi-packed when I went in to labor, but honestly I didn't wear anything in my bag except a pair of leggings and a nursing robe on my ride home. I brushed my teeth every day and took 1 shower but that was about it when it came to using my toiletries. I ended up wearing hospital robes the entire time because I didn't want to get my personal clothes dirty. I only had a few visitors, and I honestly didn't care what I looked liked.

•  I've been using my Earth Mama Angel Baby products like crazy...thank you bottom spray and nipple balm for making me feel a bit better.

Anxiety:

• I decided to put the babies in their Rock n' Plays the first night home in their room, but honestly I felt like they were way too small to be in them. The next night I put them in a MamaRoo and RockaRoo which has been much better. I've turned them on a few times at night, but during the day they nap in them (without movement) between feedings. They sleep for longer stretches during the day (3-3 1/2 hours) than at night...of course.

•  Breastfeeding: Oh goodness....I will write a whole post dedicated to this, but I lasted a week. It honestly wasn't a tough decision to stop, because I was miserable. I've decided to pump instead, and I've had to supplement with formula when I don't make enough for each feeding. I'm pumping about 4 oz. every 3 hours, and the babies eat 2-3 oz. every 3 hours. 

• Turner loved meeting the babies, and has been super sweet. He pretends like he is a baby tiger or cat every time he is around them and rubs his face on their foreheads. I don't blame him, because the babies' faces are so stinkin' soft! My in-laws were in town the day after the babies were born and offered to take Turner home with them to Dallas for a week. At first I was hesitant, because I didn't want him to think we were shipping him off or abandoning him. But the first night we came home from the hospital was crazy. Turner was super hyper and all over the place, and I immediately knew that it would be an easier first week at home adjusting to the babies if Turner wasn't home (sounds mean, but it's true).  He has a blast with his grandparents anyway, so I know he is well taken care of and getting much more attention than we would be able to give him right now. 

• Alex and I have been doing really good together at home, even though we both have cabin fever. He's been a huge supporter when I've broken down multiple times, and given me multiple back massages when I'm so tight from breastfeeding. At night, I find myself clinging to him (I'm always the big spoon...and now I don't have a belly keeping me away). He's been able to sleep at night thanks to my mom getting up with me during the night to help with feedings, and then will watch the babies more during the day so my Mom and I can nap.

Random:

• My mom has been with me since the babies were born, and her help is more than I could ask for. I'm so thankful for her support, help, and comfort.  I think most women find comfort in their mother's being there for them after the birth of a child. Thinking about her leaving terrifies me. She will be staying with me for another 2 weeks, and I'm extremely grateful for her taking the time off of work to be with me and the babies.

• I'll be sharing the twin's birth story on my friend's podcast, The Birth Hour, next week and will let you know once it's live. 

• Alex and I actually got to go on a date when the babies were a week old. We wanted to try out the new HopDoddy location in Round Rock, and my Mom didn't really want to go and said she would stay with one of the babies. We took Walt because he had just eaten....poor Whitney got left behind on our first outing. Walt slept through the entire dinner (the advantage of newborns).

• I've taken a bath almost every night and done by hair while my Mom is here. I don't go many places other than the doctor, but it's nice to feel normal. When I was getting dressed to go out with Alex, I thought my body was smaller than it was and tried to put on some non-maternity jeans. Big mistake. I've dropped 25lbs., but my body is still not back to it's pre-baby form (obviously and that's OK). I forget how much my hips shift. I'll be wearing lots of leggings and my maternity jeans for quite a while.  

• I've received so many messages from friends and family and even strangers on Instagram about helping with the babies. I am beyond grateful for everyone's support and kinds words. I was having a few rough days ago, and I posted a photo to IG about my struggle as a new mom and experiencing the baby blues. I received an outpour of encouragement, and it definitely helped brighten my spirits!

Leaving the hospital

Some of my favorite posts from bloggers are those when they just speak their mind about what's going on in their life and I'm going to do just that in this post in regards to me anxiously waiting for the birth of Walt & Whitney!

As I sit here at 36 weeks pregnant, measuring 40 I am ready for Walt & Whitney to be here. People ask me daily if I'm ready and prepared. My answer to that is, you can't really be prepared for newborn twins, but I am ready to not have this giant bump following me around everywhere I go. Every once in a while I rub my belly and think about how this is the last time I will be pregnant. As uncomfortable as my bump may be at times, I do love seeing what my body can do carrying two humans. When I catch a glimpse of my body after a shower, I'm truly amazed of how it has transformed. I know I will miss it at times.

35 Weeks

Preparation:

• I haven't read one baby book, specifically a book about twins. I was gifted Healthy Sleeping Habits for Multiples last week, but haven't glanced at it. I feel a bit unprepared, but I honestly feel everything is a case by case basis, and I might as well just wait. God knows I will have lots of time while nursing to sit on my phone and google the crap out of everything. 

• I have been on the phone with insurance companies more than I would like trying to get all my ducks in a row for my maternity leave.  It's a pain in the neck going back and forth with my doctor's office and insurance company, but hoping that after the babies are born I can get everything solidified.  

•  I've washed baby clothes, and Walt definitely has the advantage when it comes to the amount of outfits thanks to Turner. Gap and Old Navy have been my go-to for finding matching outfits in different colors. 

• We're not using cloth diapers this time around. I don't have time for that, and washing them is that last thing I want to worry about. We have the closets full of newborn and size 1 diapers as well as wipes thanks to family and friends.

• I haven't officially packed my bag, but I have started gathering things and writing down what I'll need. Turner was born in a birthing center, and we didn't intend to stay more than 6 hours there so I'm a bit unsure of what I'll need for a hospital birth (especially if the babies go to the NICU). 

A few things in my bag;

• Pajama pants
• Nursing tanks
• Slippers
• Toiletries
• Leggings & button-down top for the ride home
• Earth Mama Angel Baby Postpartum items; Bottom spray, Natural nipple butter, Mama bottom balm (Mama needs to be taken care of too!)
• Nursing pillow
• For babies; Diaper bag, swaddles, 2-3 outfits, diapers

 
Anxiety:

• Sleeping: How will I and the babies sleep? Where will I put the babies when I bring them home? In the individual Rock n' Plays in my room? In one crib in their room? I actually bought a baby monitor for the first time, but honestly I'm not sure if I will use it.

• Breastfeeding: Holy crap this one scares me. I want to be able to breastfeed so badly, but the struggle is real. Mastitis twice + a baby w/acid reflux/colic that didn't gain much weight + a cut and yeast infection on my breast that wouldn't heal were all things I dealt within the first 5 weeks of breastfeeding Turner. Alex could see the pain and stress I was going through and went out and bought formula one day. I never looked back after that. This time around I really really want to breastfeed, because 1.) We can't afford all that dang formula 2.) I would feel like a superhero. Although, the independent side of me cringes thinking of being tied down due to breastfeeding or pumping. My sanity depends on getting some me-time, and is that even possible when breastfeeding twins? I am praying that it all works out. I had an in-home breastfeeding consultation by Stork Maternity Consulting last week, and am planning on having a second consultation once the babies are home.

• I had baby blues with Turner, and the nights were the worst. I worry about experiencing those same emotions this time around, but I'm hoping encapsulating my placenta(S)..yes I will have two...will help combat my crazy hormones as well as bring in a good milk supply. I'll be using Hill Country Placentas, and on my to-do list is getting a cooler to put them in after the babies are born....kind of weird, but hey, you do what you have to do! Alex suggested this is the perfect time for him to buy a YETI cooler...bahaha. I died laughing. You want to buy a YETI to put my placentas in? I don't think so.  

• I know that Turner is going to experience a lot of emotions with the arrival of his brother and sister. I've bought him a Big Brother book to give him at the hospital, and I'll probably put in a little treat because he loves sweets. Lately it's been taking a lot of work to get Turner to go to bed. Reading 3-4 stories, going to the restroom, telling a monster story, and then once I leave the room, he tries to come out at least 2-3 times every 5-10 minutes. It's an hour long process most nights (sometimes longer), and he only wants me to do it. I know I don't have that time when the twins are born, so it's going to be rough those first few weeks I'm sure. 

• I always worry about the stress a new baby will put on Alex and I's relationship, but I'm praying for strength and peace during that newborn phase. Lack of sleep can make a woman say and do crazy things.  We changed churches recently, and we've really enjoyed the messages we've heard and spending time together growing in our faith. Prayer is going to be very important for both of us during those tough times.

Getting in lots of time as a family of 3! Spoiling Turner a bit ; )

In-N-Out Burger Date

Random Thoughts:

• In regards to giving birth, I'm not nervous one bit. Even though Turner's natural birth was hard due to the pain, I'm hoping for a well-timed epidural. You can read about Turner's birth here.  I have no expectations, and understand that I might have to have a c-section. I'm optimistic that I will be able to deliver both of them vaginally since they are both head down, but who knows! 

• Thankfully I'm not worried about my work situation this time around. After Turner was born I quit my job, and it took me 4 months to find another one. I was interviewing when he was a month old. I'm not 100% sure the amount of maternity leave I'll be getting (depends on the birth), but I know now that I will be able to leave my babies and be ok with it. My neighbor will be watching the twins during the day, and Turner will continue to go to his school.

Date night at one of my hometown friend's wedding - 35 weeks

Well, that was a lot. Thanks for sticking around if you made it through! Here's to potentially 2 more weeks of pregancy, and then I will officially be done having babies (kind of sad).