Most people would probably say "I can't believe it's already been two years!", but it has definitely felt like two years. Every day since Walt and Whitney were born (minus a few kidless vacation days) have been LONG and hard. Don't get me wrong, I love my children, but man I feel like I've been continuously beat up from 2016 to 2018. I've aged dramatically, and get the most intense back/neck massages in the mall because my body aches from constantly carrying two 25 lb weights in each arm (sitting at a desk staring at a computer doesn't help). I thought it would be fun to share what I've learned the past two years!
Photos by McKenzie Coronado Photography
Having friends and family to support me on this journey of twin parenting has been HUGE! My mother lives 2 hours away, and my in-laws live 4 hours north. Often I wish I had someone closer to watch the kids so Alex and I could enjoy a last minute dinner, but due to the distance we have to plan ahead or find a babysitter. Sometimes we'll swap babysitting with our neighbors, and will put the twins down for bed and then leave so our neighbors don't have too much work.
I consider my neighbors, college, high school and work friends my tribe and they are always there when I need to vent. I'm thankful to be surrounded by amazing women who I can call on for a last minute girls night!
FLAWS
I've learned I'm extremely impatient and high strung at times...well most of the time. It's hard not to be when you have two crying/whiny babies at your feet wanting to be held all the time. When will the crying stop? I know I'm not a perfect mother, and I've never tried to be. I'm flawed. I cuss a little. I yell a little. I get extremely frustrated and impatient with my kids. I try to be a better version of myself for my children and Alex, and I'm thankful parenting and marriage show me my flaws so I can work on them. I have learned how to tolerate stress, anxiety, grief and press on. I don't have the option to give up. When my dad passed away suddenly in 2016 my twins were 11 months old. I didn't have time to be alone. I had to be there for them. I had to show up even if my mind and body didn't want to.
I've also learned to let a lot of things go. Child drops food on the ground...eh, pick it up and eat it I say. Oh, you want to lick it off the floor? Eh....sure, as long as your quiet go right ahead. I think people are appalled when I pick up a pacifier off the floor brush it on my pants and stick it back in Whitney's mouth. Listen people, when you have twins you don't have TIME to do ALL the things. You learn to choose your battles, and not sweat the small stuff.
SELF-CARE
I've always been a proponent for self care and not losing yourself in motherhood. It's important for me to identify what my mind, body and soul need to be happy. I've learned it's a give and take with parenting. Some days I can give myself more (more time, more focus), and some days (like when ALL of my kids are sick) I give myself less. Every night after my kids are in bed I have to choose between working out, cleaning, writing or relaxing on the couch. On the weekends I try to give myself a small window of time to exercise or run a quick errand. And vice versa with Alex, I make sure he gets out and has time to himself so he doesn't go crazy! Often I have opportunities to meet friends for dinner or attend a blogger event after work. I've learned over the years to prioritize my time well, and be very intentional about what I say yes to. Leaving Alex at the house to feed, bath and put the kids to bed is tough. I know I don't like doing it by myself, so if I'm going to an event in downtown Austin you better believe it's important to me.
Another interesting thing I've learned after having kids is I rarely drink. Kids already make me feel hungover, so you add alcohol and I'm pretty much ruined. I don't drink beer or wine, so the occasional glass of wine before bed isn't my style (although it sounds really nice). I'm more of the cocktail type, and I usually only have one when I go on a date or to a special event which is maybe once a month. When I go out with friends I'm usually the first one to leave, because I know at 6am Walt and Whitney will be wide eyed and bushy tailed ready to start the day! If people complain I say...get over it. Have twins and then we'll talk. If I am spending the night away from my kids and know I don't have to wake up super early the next morning you better believe I am the life of the party! I party hard, and take full advantage of my night out! Parent hard, play hard...hmm, that should be my new motto.
Another interesting thing I've learned after having kids is I rarely drink. Kids already make me feel hungover, so you add alcohol and I'm pretty much ruined. I don't drink beer or wine, so the occasional glass of wine before bed isn't my style (although it sounds really nice). I'm more of the cocktail type, and I usually only have one when I go on a date or to a special event which is maybe once a month. When I go out with friends I'm usually the first one to leave, because I know at 6am Walt and Whitney will be wide eyed and bushy tailed ready to start the day! If people complain I say...get over it. Have twins and then we'll talk. If I am spending the night away from my kids and know I don't have to wake up super early the next morning you better believe I am the life of the party! I party hard, and take full advantage of my night out! Parent hard, play hard...hmm, that should be my new motto.
MARRIAGE
I've learned it's the small moments that matter when it comes to my relationship with Alex. There are some nights and weekends we rarely speak to each other because we're so busy with the kids. When we load up the car as a family, I always grab Alex's hand and hold it until we get to our destination. It's our time for just a moment to be close to each other without interruption, although most of the time the kids are still yelling or crying in the back.
Teamwork is key to parenting twins, especially when you add a third child in the mix. Alex and I balance each other out well, and try our best to communicate our frustrations when it comes to parenting and our marriage. Since we both work full-time we trade off often on who stays home with the kids when one is sick, or when one has to go to the doctor. Alex tries hard not to make his career a priority over mine.
We don't take date nights very often because of childcare, but every once in a while we get a night out or we take a kidless vacation! Last year we went to an all-inclusive resort in Mexico for 5 days and it was pure bliss. I didn't think about my kids at all. Call me terrible but I knew they were in good hands! When Alex and I are going through a rough patch, we often reminisce about a trip we took together. It helps us to remember that life will get easier, and this is a hard stage.
We don't take date nights very often because of childcare, but every once in a while we get a night out or we take a kidless vacation! Last year we went to an all-inclusive resort in Mexico for 5 days and it was pure bliss. I didn't think about my kids at all. Call me terrible but I knew they were in good hands! When Alex and I are going through a rough patch, we often reminisce about a trip we took together. It helps us to remember that life will get easier, and this is a hard stage.
CAREER
Raising children (especially twins) is one of my greatest accomplishments. I want to put it at the top of my resume. Hi, I'm Jesse Coulter and I raised three tiny humans while working my a#% off at my career, blogging part-time and maintaining my sanity. When Walt and Whitney were 10 months old I left State Farm after almost 4 years to take on a new marketing role at Big Red. With any new role you want to give all you have in the first six months or so to show you are right for the job and your boss didn't make the wrong decision hiring you. I had to lean in to my career, and spent months and months interviewing to find the right role prior to leaving State Farm. When I'm asked what I'm most proud of, I immediately think of my perseverance to not give up on my career. I love marketing, and while many people told me I should stay home, I pushed on because I find fulfillment and joy in working. It also helps my family financially (even though we pay $2,400 in childcare every month). See more about my decision to work full-time here.
Raising children (especially twins) is one of my greatest accomplishments. I want to put it at the top of my resume. Hi, I'm Jesse Coulter and I raised three tiny humans while working my a#% off at my career, blogging part-time and maintaining my sanity. When Walt and Whitney were 10 months old I left State Farm after almost 4 years to take on a new marketing role at Big Red. With any new role you want to give all you have in the first six months or so to show you are right for the job and your boss didn't make the wrong decision hiring you. I had to lean in to my career, and spent months and months interviewing to find the right role prior to leaving State Farm. When I'm asked what I'm most proud of, I immediately think of my perseverance to not give up on my career. I love marketing, and while many people told me I should stay home, I pushed on because I find fulfillment and joy in working. It also helps my family financially (even though we pay $2,400 in childcare every month). See more about my decision to work full-time here.
Photos by McKenzie Coronado Photography | Venue: Pearl Snap Hall | Outfits: June and January | Felt Crowns: Little Blue Olive
There have been many moments of desperation, but even more moments of joy and love. Would I wish twins on my worst enemy...probably not if I'm being honest, bahaha! However, if God blesses you with them he will give you the strength to raise them!
Here are a few other random things I've learned;
- Don't attempt taking photos of your twins near streets because they will try to run in to them and you will have a heart attack. Also, good-luck trying to get them to stand next to each other. Lollipops and balloons help!
- Don't EVER give your child food in the car if you want what they are wearing to stay clean.
- Always have a straw handy. They will ALWAYS want a drink of whatever you have. Straws = less mess.
- One of them will always want to be held, so if you don't have any arm strength and are pregnant with twins you better start PUMPING some weight and doing squats!
* Walt and Whitney, if you are a teenager or adult and are reading this (that's if the internet doesn't delete this), know you are the light of my life and I'm beyond grateful for you. Sometimes mom has to vent ; ) *
2 comments:
I love how you say "if God blesses you with them he will give you the strength to raise them". This is so true. I also have a 4 year old and almost 2 year old twins. I work full time at a fairly stressful job. By the end of the day, I am completely wiped out. I always admire how you are able to get out of the house and work out after your kids are in bed! Keep doing what you're doing - you're doing a fantastic job.
Thanks Chelsea! I appreciate it! I'm sorry your job is stressful : (
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